As most Hapas would agree, being a Hapa results in an identity crisis that far exceeds that of a typical teenager. We are never fully integrated into a single culture, but rather hang around the fringes of two or more. Don't get me wrong, I love being Hapa. I love being able to experience both sides of the grass, so to speak. But sometimes it gets frustrating because I never truly belong to either side.
The biggest issue for me is that I don't LOOK Asian at all. Most Hapas show the dominant Asian genes more than the Caucasian genes - dark hair, dark eyes with one lid etc. In my experience at least, Hapas that look more Asian than white are clearly Hapa. You can tell when someone is not completely Asian. When the Caucasian side dominates, it's much harder to tell that that person is Hapa. I have light hair and double-lidded eyes, so everyone I have ever met is astonished when I tell them that I'm Hapa, and many vehemently deny it! Growing up, I would tell someone that my dad is from Hong Kong and my mom was born in Canada, and that person would be like, "You're not half-Asian. I don't believe you. You're making this up." And even after knowing someone for a long time they would still say that I'm making it up and that they can't believe it.
Somehow, because I do not look Asian, I am therefore less Asian than my more Asian-looking Hapa friends. I'll be hanging out with my friends and casually make a remark about something Chinese, and one of my friends will say, "But you're not really Asian! Not really." Yes, yes I am. I am just as Chinese and my Hapa friend Julia is Japanese. Just because she looks more Asian doesn't make her more Asian. And vice-versa. I am not more white than she is. For some reason these comments bother me. I struggle already with identity by being a Hapa, but to be denied being a Hapa? That's a whole other story. To be told, over and over, that you are not half-Asian messes with your head. I feel like when I talk about my Chinese culture, I am lying somehow and pretending to be someone I'm not. I already don't belong in the Chinese or white culture, but now I don't belong in the Hapa culture either?
Does anyone else struggle with this? I would love to hear your opinion on this subject, especially anyone like me - who looks more white than Asian.
Not a concern I guess. Actually looking more asian sucks even in nations like korea. And looking more like asian man really sucks!! You must be proud of looking more like caucasian, or at least OK with it. I repeat, being asian really sucks.
ReplyDeleteBeing an idiot really sucks - idiot
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ReplyDeleteDood I look SO white with light eyes, but dark hair and with only on double eyelid. I am half Indonesian.
DeleteAnd my sister looks Mexican. My brother looks white with
Red hair.
I totally agree with you!! Of course, we shouldn't base people's personality because of their race.
ReplyDeleteYour Caucasian genes are really more dominant. Where do you live now?
Have u ever seen Nina Brosh ? Precious Chong ? (Tommy Chong's daughter), Nancy Kwan's son ? Lisa Scott-Lee ? Bruce Lee's mother ? They all look 100% white.. but they're all Chinese, just like you and me... and when I was a kid I took so much from my English father, and even got blonde hair from his family, you could only tell I was Asian with the 'flat' nose and the almond shape in my eyes, but i pretty much passed for white because of my whitish blonde hair and pale skin. When i was in my teens my oriental features slowly grow more obvious and now i look like my mother, especially when i dye my hair dark brown or black.
ReplyDeleteBut either way stay true to who you are, I've met douchebags that try and tell me what i am and what im not based solely on looks, when I first met my fiance he could tell straightaway I was Asian, and he is too, whilst I've had a white collegue at work who thought I was Polish or Russian ! But tbh looks are nothing, it's what runs in our blood. Take pride in who you are, it's an amazing thing to do whilst the rest just pretend they're westerners like Lindsey Price and Kate Beckingsale.
so your theory is they should pretend to be fully asian and be in denial about their white ancestry ??? one of the stupidest thing i have ever heard. i think you are just being brainwashed into thinking that if you just call yourself asian it will all be ok lol. you clearly have some issues with the "west" as you say it so you think being oriental is somehow much cooler. i guess thats what you get from watching to much american TV.
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DeleteLuis, whites aren't that great. They like to think they are but compared to a number of Asian cultures they're just simply put inferior. I am 1/4 Japanese. I can't stand my white relatives because to me they're ignorant, they have no respect for family unless you can do something for them [e.g. they use you], and the irony is they aren't white trailer trash but highly educated & rather well off. But despite looking very northern European I get along fantastically with people of eastern or mid eastern background because their mannerism, personality and cultural background is much more refined and dignified than whites. In comparison some whites - particularly the slobs that seem to be growing in number nowadays - are less than pigs rooting around in mud.
DeleteYa I totally agree with you. I honestly hate it when my filipino grandma says I look like my dad who is white just because of my nose bridge. My mom is from the Philippines. Most people think I am Asian. My grandma says if only my nose bridge was flat I would look 100% filipino. I look like some Asian with an unusual nose bridge. I think my grandma honestly says I look like my dad just because she wants a grandchild who looks European. So she focuses on the few European features I have. But yeah I often feel as though I'm not Asian enough. My mom says I look filipino but I don't know. I have a friend though who is half filipino and half white. He looks white so he just identifies as white usually. I fact he refuses to Identify as Hapa or filipino. To me it seems like a lot of half filipino half whites look a little less Asian than the half East Asian(Chinese, Korean Japanese). I kinda wish I was half Chinese instead of Filipino then maybe I'd look like a more "normal" Asian. I don't have anything against white people but I mean they don't always strike me as the kind of people I want to be, personality wise and intellectually. Honestly if you do look much more white than Asian it may be a good Idea to simply accept this as a fact since this cannot be changed and go on living your life. I understand how you feel. I have an identity crisis right now to
DeleteOhmygosh I know EXACTLY what you feel like. I'm half haole half chinese too. All my hapa friends look super asian, but I look way more haole. I'm from Hawaii, so a lot of people assume I'm not local or born here but I am. It's fun being part of 2 cultures, but I get how hard it can be sometimes.
ReplyDeletelol where exactly did you get that caucasians have blonde hair and blue eyes by majority ??? actually most of the caucasians have dark hair and dark eyes same as east asians. the only dead give away is their slightly slanted eyes, much smaller noses and probably their height roflmao. but the rest is just speculation.
ReplyDeleteHAHAH ignorant fool
DeleteI'm a Hapa that grew up in Japan. Mom is from Tokyo. Dad is from NYC (white, mostly Irish descent) I get told now that I look very white, but growing up, the four family on my block all had Hapa kids and we all looked alike, so we grew up feeling hapa. We all spoke Japanese fluently and since we went to an International school, we all spoke english like and American. But because we didn't look full Japanese, we were deemed to be Gaijin kids. Just like my full blooded non japanese classmates. That gave me a complex for a while. But now, I revel in the fact that I am totally Bi-cultural. I know more about being American than most Americans. I know more about Japanese history and culture than most Japanese do too. it's because we were able to see it from both the inside and from the outside at the same time. It makes us Hapa (or in Japan. we say Hafu) unique.. and that's as it should be. We are unique and only other Hapas and Hafus truly understand what it is to be what we are.
ReplyDeleteOMG I have the exact same back story as you!!! My dad's from HK and my mom's white, but a lot of my distinguishing features are from my mom. I'm so happy; I thought I was the only one with this problem. You summed up my feelings perfectly. We should talk some time. :D
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DeleteHi Psyche! I would love to hear more about yourself and your experiences with being a Hapa.
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ReplyDeleteI imagine I'm late to this conversation, but at least there's enough Asian blood in you for you to be considered Asian. I'm 1/4 Polish (though I don't work like fractions), and through that I've got Tatar-Mongolian ancestry. People give me looks if I say I identify with the Mongolians; the only reason I wouldn't get looks if I say I'm a Tatar is because most people here in Australia don't know what 'Tatar' even means.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely what others consider you to be involves what you look like. I know it's very hard when you have no one culture that you can fit into. People get confused when you 'just be all of them,' which we should be entitled to be.
As for not fitting in with hapas, I think you count as one for sure :) ... As for me, 'Hapa Voice' didn't admit my entry, imaginably because they don't see my being of Tatar descent as making me "Asian enough" or something along those lines. Just because my ancestry's mostly European, doesn't mean I'm completely European.
ReplyDeleteHey Emma! Just wanted to say that I totally and completely understand. I'm half Chinese as well (Mum from Hong Kong) and I hardly look Chinese. I wouldn't care much about what other people say you look like. We're half Chinese and that's what matters!
ReplyDeleteSim xx
I'm half japanese and don't look like it either... sucks 'cause people say I'm a weaboo for learning my mom's language (japanese obviously), and having strong interest in japanese culture... I'm no weaboo.. I'm actually a halfie..!
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I even tried makeup to look more asian. Not cool, I know. And as a guy it's even weirder...haha ^^°
This is super late, but I found your story googling to see if people have similar experience. I'm Half Korean and half white, and I lived in Korea up until I was 10yo. For a long time, I used a fake name online so that people wouldn't call me names or assume things about me based on a photo, but recently I gave up and started using my real name. Since then, I've had people call me a Korean fetishist, a weaboo, and mock me in Korean, asking me if my nanny was Korean.
ReplyDeleteI am half Korean. The culture I identify most with is Korean. I'm fluent in Korean. Yet people constantly make judgments about me and decide for me who I am. I know it's not a big deal to some people, but to me it feels like I'm having a huge part of myself taken away from me. If I looked more Korean people would be totally fine with me identifying as Korean and not mixed, my family calls my half Korean cousin Korean even though he was born in the US but they call me mixed or even white. It's frustrating to culturally belong but not look it, and then you're just stuck somewhere in the middle. Not white, but not Korean.
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DeleteI can sort of relate, but my story is different. I identify as half Asian ethnically (my mom and her parents were raised and born in Asia) but by blood I'm a lot less. Nonetheless, I'm proyd to be part Asian and I really enjoy different asian cultures. I was raised as an Asian and never could fit ib with the white kids or the dark kids. I was a loner. I look white but on the inside i identify more with Asian (Kazakh /Altai to be exact; it's a tribe living in northern China, Mongolia, and Kazakhstan) but I don't feel accepted with other Asians because I'm blonde and pale (my skin is more yellow than white though) :( i wish I could be fully accepted...
ReplyDeleteI can sort of relate, but my story is different. I identify as half Asian ethnically (my mom and her parents were raised and born in Asia) but by blood I'm a lot less. Nonetheless, I'm proyd to be part Asian and I really enjoy different asian cultures. I was raised as an Asian and never could fit ib with the white kids or the dark kids. I was a loner. I look white but on the inside i identify more with Asian (Kazakh /Altai to be exact; it's a tribe living in northern China, Mongolia, and Kazakhstan) but I don't feel accepted with other Asians because I'm blonde and pale (my skin is more yellow than white though) :( i wish I could be fully accepted...
ReplyDeleteI'm a white/Asian mix too, I'm 3/4th Chinese and 1/4th Russian. However, I look very Chinese/Asian and most people just think i'm full Asian when they see me, but when I tell them I'm part white, they usually go "Ohhh, now I see it". It's kind of hard to describe, but my features are somewhat "diluted" due to my russian blood and I look rather atypical for an Asian person. Many girls seem to find it attractive though, so it's certainly not something I complain about lol
ReplyDeleteAnyways, since most people just think i'm full Asian when they meet me, I may not even mention that I'm part Russian unless they ask me. This is fine and all, but sometimes, I can't help but feel like I'm ignoring the white/Russian side of me and not doing enough to explore or embrace it, but just having people think I'm full Asian. Another thing is I don't really have a connection to Russian culture as my maternal grandma was Russian and she died before I was born, so for me, there isn't really any of this "two cultures" thing. My upbringing was quite similar to many full-blooded Asian Americans, except my mom was half-white. At the very least, I should be glad that I am accepted by full Asians since I look very Asian, so I may not face some of the acceptance issues that more ambiguous looking Eurasians do. I have yet to meet another person who is 3/4 asian and 1/4 white though, I'm sure I'll be very excited the day that I do.
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DeleteOmg yes. My mum (euro side) is more dominant and when people find out I'm half Indonesian, they often say things like "you don't look half Asian". I usually just reply "what is a mixed person 'supposed' to look like? And then they usually realise their presumptuousness. You're not supposed to look a certain way, you are you and no one can or should take that away from you.
ReplyDeletetotally get this, my ma' is completely welsh and my father is fully korean, and allthough I PERSONALLY beleive my caucasian and asian genes are evenly balanced..others do not beleive so
ReplyDeletedespite the fact that i was born in seoul
have a korean accent(though mildly diluted as i now live in naples with my partner) my friends and workmates continue to second look me at times, trying to figure out what i am
i have soft black hair(like an asian) yet it long and straight(thanks to my caucasian side) as oposed to the typical spiky asian male look
and while i generally have the large, slanted, dark rounded eyes of a korean, my eye colour is grey, which gets me alot of attention in oriental restaurants etc
most people get my skin tone when you remind them koreans are rather light skinned
and the rest of me look rather mongoloid(large lips, fat nose) except from my jaw structure
but should these three features prevent me from living up to my asian heritage?
should i really be cast a "whitie" because of three simple features?
i dont think so
so of course i completely agree with your argument
#HalfPower
Hi, my name is Zacharie and trust me, I feel your pain! My mother is like yours, European, but my father is fully Korean. I often don't feel totally accepted into any of these two cultures. I have some asian features like single eye lid blinking, Smaller eyes, ect., but I also have European features. I barely know my father, due to him leaving me at a very young age, and I know no other Koreans personally, so I am not really surrounded by my culture. I have asian friends, even the girl I like is asian. I have tried my entire life to include asian culture into my mom and step-dads Europen life-style, but I always feel Isolated and different than my siblings and peers, even the asian ones, due to the fact that I'm not fully European like my siblings, and not having grown with my asian parent like my fellow asians. But if you read this, I want you to know that you are not alone.
ReplyDeleteHi Zacharie,
DeleteThanks for your comment! Glad to know I'm not alone. - Emma
Not a Hapa, but I went through the same thing. I'm full east Asian but people say I look white. It's really frustrating when everyone in my family looks Asian but you don't. I feel your pain.
ReplyDeleteHi
ReplyDeleteActually if I saw your picture somewhere I would guess you are part asian . I guess people think a half asian should look fully east asian which is wrong .
Central Asians Turkmens Tatars Uygurs have similar look but they are not famous and not much people know them.
I am Turkish , funny but as a nation we are having same problem We have some Asian input (around %10-20 ) usually being dominated by some other DNA and not visible Why we don't look Asian enough, became popular topic these days , it can be very annoying sometimes. I guess we are oldest HAPA nation . Sometimes this % 10 become visible in one sibling , another look ordinary mMediterannean or blond .
Still those asian genes can be very surprising you can't guess when it shows up or hide. Don't be surprised you can have super Asian looking kids or one Asian one Caucasian looking even if you marry a white person .I look mildly Asian , petite with a round face hooded almond eyes ,my sister is fully blond and 179 cm tall . We look like a photo from Unicef calendar together
I'm 1/4 Japanese and 3/4 white and always felt kind of weird, confused and unattractive because my pigmentation (light brown hair kind of like yours, hazel eyes, and slightly light tan skin) was for the most part white, but my facial features are more hapa I believe since I've been told my face shape and especially my eye shape is 'small', 'almond', or 'Asian' and I'm also short, thin, and flat-chested. More than 'what are you?' I've actually just been straight up asked if I was Asian or half-Asian before and only occasionally asked if I was another race. In school I was sometimes referred to as a blonde Asian (I was blonde up until 8th grade) or a white Asian. I've also had people look incredulous when I'd mention being part Asian as well, or assume that a quarter meant 5% and from a x3 great grandparent.
ReplyDeleteI consider myself to be American culturally with some Japanese influence but tend to feel a lot of pressure to be more culturally Japanese cause being a bit more Americanized seems to make me less valid in other peoples eyes.
Most people are Hispanic where I live and see me as white, but other races (disclaimer: I know Hispanic is not a race) including Asians tend to debate whether I look mixed or white. The lack of congruence in my features and consistency in other peoples opinions and that influences or affects how I get treated when I try to get more in touch with my Japanese side by learning the language or something tends to bother me, but I'm trying to accept it.
Be proud of your ancestry. Coming from a white we are a dying breed, sounds quite alarmist but we are only 10% of the world population. Funny how the Chinese who are essentially a single ethnicity, Han, make up 18%. But yeah, whites will be minorities in America in the coming years, so what's so bad about having a little European in ya? In the age where being unique is all that matters, I'd say you're pretty well off. As a fellow Americunt I feel bad for you that you have to say "American culture" because let's be honest we don't have any lmao.
DeleteI can relate in some ways.These days I feel as though I could fit in anywhere I go, whether it be with my Asian friends or my white friends. I was born in raised in Japan, I attended an international school called ASIJ. I didn't have any problems because pretty much everyone was a foreinger.
ReplyDeleteI came to america and at first I didn't know what I was. If I was white or asian. The one thing that is a little bit different is probably that I have very dark brown hair, and I can tend to be identified as an asian
I think you look Eurasian easily. If you had darker hair then you’d look even more Eurasian. I’m half too and if I saw you in the street I would know you’re euraisan for sure!! Don’t worry as u get older u will care less and less. As you age you get more Comfortable with your own skin
ReplyDeleteI’m not sure if you’re still reading these comments or not, but I feel your struggle and want you to know you are not alone. I am multiracial Filipino + White, but I appear completely White to people until I correct them. When I was younger, I would get the same stuff — “but you don’t look Filipino!”, “prove it”, “okay, ‘sure’, but you’re basically just White”... despite the fact that being Filipino American is an integral part of my identity. I internalized these comments from a young age, and eventually stopped telling people I was Filipino. It hurt too much that they didn’t believe me. Hiding this part of myself felt like death. But recently, I have been learning to be more proud of who I am and to not let anybody take that away from me. The goal of colonialism and White supremacy is assimilation. For somebody to deny your Chinese heritage and culture is inherently White supremacist + neocolonial because it pressures you to let go of your non-white culture and replace it with a total and complete Whiteness. A culture, by the way, that won’t accept you unless you deny your non-White Chinese self. It’s nasty. Don’t let anybody take who you are away from you or force you into negatives like “I am not this, or that, or even that”. It is erasure. There is no yardstick that is worthy to determine if you are “enough” of something. This thinking falls short of the reality of complex racial and cultural landscapes and is deeply entrenched in racism. You are completely and positively who you are, how you are, the way you are and nobody else can ever take that away. At the same time as this is true, appearing White to people comes with its privileges and it is important to understand how this might make your experience different from your peers who do not have the privilege of looking White. It is not the same as White privilege, but it is important to understand that there are legitimate aspects of your appearance that will shield you from much of the racism other multiracial or non-White people experience. Understanding this isn’t to say you are any less-Chinese or hapa. It is only to encourage a deeper and more compassionate understandings of the unique struggles of your peers, just as you long for people to understand your unique struggles. Still, this doesn’t make your experience as a multiracial POC any less valid. In fact, it is all the more reason to be proud of your multi-faceted heritage and the privilege you carry to make the world a better, more understanding and more open-minded place simply by existing and being proud of who you are. I wish you (and all on this thread) healing on your journeys ... it can be very confusing, displacing and lonely to be multiracial, especially when you appear White. Many people will not understand, but many will. Just know that you are not alone. I and many others are over here and we are with you, rooting for you. Much love. ❤️
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